Why I Think Dating Apps Suck Even More Than Before

If you’re anything like me, you’ve cycled through the regular dating apps: Match.com, eHarmony, Tinder and even Bumble.  I got tired of seeing the same guys over and over (in addition to friends and people I know personally), so I thought I’d take it “up a notch” and try some of the more exclusive apps, which require approval to get in.  I wanted to meet different men.  I signed up for both Inner Circle as well as The League.  I was accepted almost immediately into both of them, and my online dating experience was re-energized. Or so I thought.

In the past, my experience was more about filtering out the guys who were just looking for casual hookups (and of course, doing my best to avoid drug dealers, which has indeed proven difficult, especially when said dating prospect poses as someone seemingly professional for a period of time. I even had one go out of his way to wear a golf shirt on the first meet, and nice button downs on several of the following dates.  He seemed legit, but this eventually turned into old stained t-shirts and flip flops after a simultaneous reveal of a bong collection, accidentally-left-out Ziplocs of coke and a stack of after-hours nude club discount cards. But I digress.) I truly thought that I’d be connecting with men of a higher caliber on these brand new apps.

Instead, I discovered a new kind of challenge.  Case: Hot guy, early 30’s.  Sent some nice messages back and forth. Professional job.  Lives in suburbs (about 45 minutes away from me, which I thought might be an issue, but I went for it anyway, thinking we could try for a weekend).  I give him my number, and we text back and forth, trying to find a time to set up a date.  He kept asking if I’d be in his area, which I wouldn’t be.  I never, ever have work or projects in his area.  And if you know Los Angeles, you know it takes at least an hour to get anywhere.  So I asked if he could come closer to me, and he said “yeah, I think so”, but then we couldn’t seem to align schedules.  He’d text again a few days later, asking if I’d be out his way at all.  I thought, is this guy for real?  Didn’t I already tell him I’m never in his area, for any reason? Also, isn’t it standard for a guy to drive to the girl’s area for the first date anyway?  Red flag.  Of course, he texted a few cute photos of himself, so I look past the flag and continue.  Our schedules still didn’t seem to mesh however, and the merry go round continued.  For a few weeks.  Yes, weeks.

One day during an exchange, I realized that he never actually called me to talk. I don’t know about you, but I feel weird when I’m getting to know someone solely via text.  I need to hear a voice and vibe.  As I thought through this, I also realized that my schedule was getting out of hand.  I had booked a few projects in this time period, and I just knew that dating someone so far away would prove difficult beyond even one date.  I decided I didn’t want to play the cat and mouse game.  The next time I received his now regular (and a bit too casual) “hey you” text, I replied and kindly expressed, “obviously it’s been really tough for us to connect, and I’ve suddenly become super busy, so I need to put dating on the back burner for a bit. I’m sorry, but I wish you luck out there in the big, bad world of dating!”  His response:  “I have to be totally honest.  I am not really looking to date anyway.  I just wanted to pick your brain about starting a podcast.  What’s your schedule this weekend?”.  My jaw dropped. He had been flirting and sending photos all this time, acting all chummy, and then pulls the curtain to showcase his agenda to learn how to start a frigging podcast?  And, he was hoping I’d somehow drive out to his area to help him. What in the hell?  I probably would’ve ended up with the bill too, now that I think about it.  What a waste.  He may as well have been a drug dealer at this point.

Oh yes, things were taken up a notch indeed with my new dating apps!  Ha! Now, instead of using chicks for sex, men seemed to be trolling the apps to see which ones could help them with their professional pursuits or hobbies.  Awesome.

Back to organic dating I go.  My long-term relationships have always been men I’ve met through professional work or a mutual interest.  I’ve never met a great guy in a bar or on a dating app.  Ever.  If you’re someone who has, I applaud you, because in my experience, it’s simply not possible.  At least not for a long-term, happy relationship that ends in good feelings and friendship, which my long-terms have.  Almost all of my dating app relationships have resulted in blocking.  I have to chuckle at this realization.  It’s kind of absurd, when the purpose is to find love, not disgust.

All in all, I can’t say I’m a fan of dating apps.  What has been your experience with them?  Reach out to me at michelle@ladyfoxentertainment.com with your thoughts and musings, and I’m sure I can find an appropriate pod guest to discuss further.  In the meantime, good luck out there if you choose to participate in the dating app game!

 

My Personal Experience With the Yoga of Intimacy

Are you single and you finding yourself attracting the wrong types?  Are you searching for the right partner to share a real connection with?  Do your relationships burn out fast or turn into friend zone?  Are you already in a relationship and you feel like it’s become dull and needs a boost?  Well, if any of these scenarios ring true for you, I have a recommendation for you to check out. (Bonus: If you live in the Los Angeles area, the workshops take place in sunny Santa Monica, CA.)

It’s the Yoga of Intimacy, and it’s led by the beautiful couple Londin Angel Winters and Justin Patrick Pierce.  After interviewing the couple on my podcast, Nothing Off Limits, I was honored to be invited to their Co-ed workshop on a beautiful Friday evening in a gorgeous, spiritually-charged loft space.  There, I experienced something completely unexpected and amazing.  An equal number of men and women, most complete strangers to one another, gathered to participate. In a completely G-rated practice over a 3 hour period, we were all blown wide open with vulnerability and successfully created real, intimate connections with each other within a safe space.  Don’t get the wrong idea.  It’s not sexual, and you don’t touch your partner.  It’s subtle energy exchange through the eyes and the body that teaches you to be authentic in your expression.  No “performing” is allowed.  Londin and Justin lead the practice, and they have you switch partners continuously throughout the practice and provide gentle reminders and corrections to stay connected to what you’re doing.  With each exercise, you reach new levels of openness, creativity and heart awareness.

I’ll admit that I almost jetted twice during the first hour, because I’m not personally used to being so vulnerable, especially with a stranger.  Yet because the men in this workshop were so willing to be there, and because each man put forth his best effort to “hold” the women in their space and not run away from her, no matter what they were experiencing (tears, laughter, anger, etc.), it allowed me to expand further.

Without giving too much away about what happens during the workshop, I will say that I left there feeling like I had released years of pain.  I was exhausted!  For those 3 hours, I tore down my personal walls, accessed my true core, and said hello again to my personal centered place of love and giving.  That might sound wild or weird to you, but if you’re frustrated with your relationships at any level and you’re ready and willing to go deeper within yourself to change that pattern (this is the key – you have to be ready!), then this is definitely something to check out.

For more information about Londin and Justin and the practice of sexual polarity, please listen to their episode on my podcast.  It’s a great way to prep for the Yoga of Intimacy workshop:  http://ladyfoxentertainment.com/2017/02/26/londin-angel-winters-and-justin-patrick-pierce-on-using-sexual-polarity-to-get-the-love-you-want/

For upcoming workshop dates for the Yoga of Intimacy, visit:  http://www.londinangelwinters.com/offerings/workshops/the-yoga-of-intimacy/

10 Ways Men Push Women Away…

I host dating podcasts (soon to be on iTunes and can’t wait!), so I think about relationships a lot.  And this article on YourTango totally caught my attention and is timely in terms of what my gal friends and I have been recently chatting about, so I wanted to share it with all of you as well, and hopefully spark some thinking on the topic.

I think there are many reasons why a woman may lose interest in a man or be very hesitant to get involved with him.  Sometimes it’s a lack of physical chemistry and she can’t help but to see you as a friend.  Sometimes it’s because you thought it would be attractive to send her penis pics after 2 dates.  But the big one for me is if she’s not feeling safe with you.  As James Michael Sama writes,  “She needs to know she can count on you, that you will be there, and that you are the real deal.” Hooray, James!  Yes, indeed!  ‘Tis true that a good woman is not going to automatically let a guy move in to have a relationship with her television and couch instead of her, or allow him to show up only when he is in a mood for sex or some chill company.

Good gawd, I love discovering when a man is the real deal, a seeming rarity in the big city of L.A.  It goes without saying, once a woman knows she can count on a guy and feels safe with him, all kinds of good things will happen for that man.  He’ll finally get that chillaxing company and the laid back woman he can mess with, because he took time to prove to her that she can be safe and let herself go with him.  So guys, don’t be afraid to put some effort in, beyond bringing over a bottle of wine and some chocolates.  And it really is ok to get to know her beyond her looks!  Yes I know, it takes time and effort and doesn’t happen magically overnight (boo!!), but if you really care about the woman, it will be well worth it.  I promise. 🙂

With no further adieu, here is the article that prompted my sharing.  Feel free to send me your thoughts, comments, etc.  Oh, one more thing:  if you’ve got a great story that you’d like to share about your relationship, contact me to get on the podcast!!

James Michael Sama’s 10 Ways Men Push Women Away:

http://www.yourtango.com/2015276176/10-ways-men-push-women-away-without-even-realizing-it